What’s the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 45 lbs.
What’s the difference between a boyfriend and husband? 45 minutes.
What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman? Sexual harassment.
What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man? £3.99 a minute.
How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same, but the
dishes pile up.
How can you tell if your husband is dead? The sex is the same, but you
get the remote control.
How many men does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just sit
there in the dark and complain.
What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart? Through his chest with a sharp
knife.
What have women and floor tiles got in common? If you lay them properly
thefirst time, you can walk all over them for life.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and
good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.
What is a man’s view of safe sex? A padded headboard.
How do men sort their laundry? “Filthy” and “Filthy but Wearable”.
What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year,
the dog is still excited to see you.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same
urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever.
Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The guy who can have a
cup of coffee in each hand and still carry a dozen donuts.
Who is the most popular woman at the nudist colony? The woman who ate
the last donut.
What is the difference between a battery and a man? A battery has a
positive side.
A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in year 10. Who has the
biggest breasts? The blonde, because she’s 18.
Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.
How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by
the time she brings it.
Why is a Launderette a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a
woman who can’t afford a washing machine will probably never be able to
support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men? It’s one of those “evolutionary
things” that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
How do you fix a woman’s watch? You don’t. There is a clock on the oven.
Your dog is barking at the back door, your wife is yelling at the front
door, whom do you let in first? The dog of course. He’ll shut up once
you let him in.
What’s worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman that won’t do what
she’stold.
I married Miss Right, I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
I haven’t spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt
her.
What do you call a man who has lost 95% of his intelligence? Divorced.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman’s sex drive by
90%. It’s called Wedding Cake.
Our last fight was my fault. My wife asked me “What’s on the TV?” I
said, “Dust!”
A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and
said, “I haven’t eaten anything in four days.” She looked at him and
said, God, I wish I had your willpower.”
Young Son: “Is it true, Dad, I heard that in someparts of Africa a man
doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?”
Dad: “That happens in every country, son.”
I have carpet in my livingroom and my dog tore a couple of sections out where the carpet meets in the kitchen and that is vinly tile and there is a metal strip layed down between the livingroom and kitchen. How would I fix the tear where the damage has been done? I do not want to replace the carpet. Could I buy a little larger metal strip and tack that down between the livingroom and kitchen this is mobile home carpet. Or should I cut that section out and lay more of the same peal and stick tile down and replace the metal strip tp cover the seams where the two rooms meet? Any advice would help me. Thank you.
I am putting up drywall in my bathroom. It is an old house and has rockwall . I chiseled a somewhat strait line and pulled the old rockwall out. Then I drew straight lines on each wall. The questions I have is what can I use to cut the rockwall straight and clean. I do not have alot of money. The second question is, there is gaps that go below the tile along the wall. Can I use joint filler to fill this gap, if not what should I use.
I am soon remodeling our kitchen by removing the existing solid wood 60’s kitchen cabinets and old warped laminate countertops. Currently no back splash. When we bought the house, the idiot before us put sticky FLOOR tile between the counter and bottom of wall cabinets. When we tried to remove it, it caused the wall to chip from the backing (drywall or whatever it was). We are now putting in new cabinets and finally countertops with a backsplash. What can I put between the backsplash and bottom of wall cabinets with the chipped drywall? Replace with drywall or can I use the same laminate for the counters on the wall to protect against water, splashes, etc.? I’m spending close to 5k already and wanted to do a nice job but not pay a lot to do this.
I’m remodeling my kitchen and want to save one of my wall cabinets.I have an air conditioner vent box that hangs about 7″ from the ceiling. The cabinet is 30″ long and there would only be 4″ between the bottom of the vent box and the top of the cabinet. Is that enough space? The reason that is the only space is because the refrigerator is below the cabinet.
Can I use new construction to replace two kitchen windows that are weighted windows? Any tips on doing this? I am remodeling the kitchen, so I have the trim removed and the window frame is showing.
Because I know travertine costs more. But I want to know if it’s worth it to get. I know it’s a different method used to lay as opposed to porcelain and ceramic tiles, right?
A homeowner signed a contract with us to remodel their kitchen and bathroom. We hired two subcontractors: an electrician and a plumber to do work at their house. Now the homeowner wants to see bills/contracts between our company and the subcontractors we hired. Does he have any right to see our company’s bills/contracts between us and the subcontractors we hired? The contract does state that any communications to the subcontractor from the homeowner has to be done through the contractor. Any help would be appreciated since we are new to the business.
We’re renovating a kitchen and unfortunately the space is quite awkward with a door on all four walls. One of those doors is the main entrance to the house.
We’re trying to modernize and make the best use of space that we can. In terms of cabinetry, we are thinking of going with an L Shape (as it is now) but adding a peninsula. However, in most of our initial designs there is only about 34″ between the counter and the peninsula. This seems to be far too close even with one cook.
Am I over-reacting? What is the minimum/ideal space?
Thanks.
I laid some tile down with an 1/8 grout line and some of the thin set is in between the grout lines. How do i remove it without destroying the tile? I tried chipping it out with a chisel and a dremel wont work due to it’s size