My Husband And I Both Work. I Work 3 To 4 Days A Week He Works 5. Is It Unreasonable For Me Ask For Some Help?
My husband and I both work me 3 to 4 days a week he works 5. It seems since I work less then him I have to do all the housework and his days off he relaxes. He is from England and says that the women there do all the housework. I have told him here in America we share in chores and women are not slaves. I have a 15 year old son who lives at home and he does do his share he keeps his room neat and tidy and mows the lawn and occasionally does dishes and does his own laundry. I have a roll of bathroom tile that needs to be laid that has been sitting there for 3 month. Do you guys think I am being unreasonable for needing some help? I do all the cooking, Laundry, vacuuming, dusting, organizing etc etc………. How can I get him to pitch in?
I would list how much work needs to be done. Tell him that he works 5 days a week, and that you will expect to be paid the going rates of a maid on day 5 and 6, on day 7 all will rest. Maybe the only way to get to him is through his wallet. Maids don’t come cheap, and they only do part of the work, and the rest is up to the family. Write yourself a check to be put into your own account.
I say you get that man to help you with the tile. Tell him that if he is such a man than he can lay the damn tile because you basically have 2 jobs (only 1 that you get paid for). He can stand to do something to help out, and besides, typically the men do stuff like that anyway. He needs to help out, if he really cared about the house and you then he would.
DAMN! I don’t know what this man are thinking nowadays.
If I were to propose and get married to a women that I really loved,
I think I’ve fix that tiles in just 3 days, for the sitting I mean.
And I’ll be doing the housework with an agreement
of 60/40 from my part. Voluntarily.
Why are people so calculative this days ?
my goodness it should be 50/50. no matter if he works or not…housework is full time all day every day….he has to help…otherwise he is selfish and inconsiderate and unappraciative
wash all the clothes except for his…all the dishes except for his…thats a start…he will learn after wearing a few crappy underwears
Oh hell no it’s not unreasonable! Maybe they do all the housework because they stay home. If you both work then you both do the housework. Tell him you are going to work less days a week if you have to do all the housework.
Hey! I’m english and we english aren’t in the dark ages. Your an idiot for even believing his lies. Men do just as much housework in UK as the do in the USA. Of cource men do housework here, it’s just the one who can get away with it that don’t/
no,but that dose not mean he will.All you can do is ask,not general asking specific such as can you do this tile over the weekend?
Read Doctor Laura’s book Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands
you have more days off in the week so you should do more than him. However he should have some of the load as well
He definately needs to do the dirty work around the house.. like laying tile. He even needs to help you out some. But you are the one with 3-4 days off of work right? So you take a couple hourse a week and do some clean up. is it really that big of deal? he has 2 days off a week. so if you want him to work one of his days off.. you should be realistic and work either 2-3 of your days off around the house as well. That way, both of you have 1 day a week to relax. Sheesh!
That’s not how they do it in England; my BIL is from there and he cooks and cleans just as much as my sister does. So don’t let him pull that on you.
Tell him he’s not in England anymore and if he wants a clean household, he’s going to have to contribute. Start doing only your laundry and cleaning up your messes. Put his dirty dishes and clothes on his side of the bed, or in his car. He’ll get the picture real quick.
I have several close English female friends and, believe me, their husbands are pitching in at home!
You’re working outside your home but I bet you’re on call at home 24/7 (especially if a child gets sick!). You are as entitled to a day — or days off as he is! And he needs to pull his weight at home!
Call a family conference and set up a roster in writing of all the major jobs needing doing daily, weekly, monthly. Assign difficulty. Then everyone gets to pick, first from the difficult column, then from easier, easiest, etc. That way no one gets stuck with all the sh*t (literally) work! Post the roster in a prominent place and have everyone sign it (like a contract) so no one can say they didn’t know or misunderstood, etc. Daily duties like cooking should be split (unless one of you is, for example, crazy about cooking…and good at it! I know someone who hates cleaning, loves to cook, so that’s what she does. He cleans and enjoys fantastic meals.).
If your husband refuses to participate or take his “fair share”, a strike may be in order, yes? (Let him do his own laundry, ironing. Ignore — as much as you can and I know it’s difficult — his mess and keep your spaces the way you like.)
Set a mutually agreed upon deadline for installation of the bathroom tile. If he blows it, hire someone to lay it and take the cost out of the mutual budget.
Congratulations to you for raising such a responsible son! Some day some woman will thank you profoundly for doing so!
Good luck!
No, you’re totally right for asking for help. He’s not in England anymore, and that’s the bottom line. You’re not his mother, you’re his wife and marriage is a partnership. If he doesn’t want to help, ask him to take care of all the bills and such. Then he’d have an even trade on his hands. That way you can devote your time to be the mother/housewife he wants. Sorry for the sarcasm, I had to threaten my boyfriend to do the dishes so it hits home. But when I quit work, lazy bones was fine for a little while, until he was stressing out to the point where he couldn’t even enjoy his super clean house and home cooked meals. We share the duties now, and even though he gripes at times, he knows what it could be.
Bring another man around to do what he does not want to do. If you can’t do the tile yourself as a DIY task then save up your monies and hire another man to do it for you.
But not it is not unreasonable. He should be helping out. Who maintains the vehicles if you have them, who takes care of the garage?
Just try to sit down when your not upset or worked up about the issue and have a serious conversation with him and see how he responds.